So it's been a while since I have posted anything! So to catch you up, I'll do my best! I am still a full time employee, a part time student, and I've added many extra activities on the side. I ask myself a lot why I do so much, and honestly I don't have an answer. I guess deep down, it's a desire and God has open these doors and I don't want to shut them.
Lately has been pretty challenging. I teach Children's Church every two weeks and I have a 4-H club that meets once a month. Although these times aren't every week, they definately keep me busy! Kylie is a Brownie in Girl Scouts and I do my best to support her in that.
Everything was going well until the last month. My heart has been in sooo many places! Idealing it belongs to God, then my family, but lately I just cry out! I am not by any means complaining, but like anyone, I need to express myself and why not here. It would be so nice to sleep in some mornings and lately my Saturdays have even been stacked up. Over a month ago, a dear friend of mine was incarserated. She is in deep trouble. I haven't been "real" close to her the past few years b/c ....well to be honest....it's a little complicated.
She has been a friend since we were 5 years old! She was in my wedding and I was even there when her first daughter was born! I drifted from her, b/c of family issues and other situations. She is now, due to poor decisions over the years, sitting in jail. My Saturdays and any spare moment I have has been spent praying for her. Many people are angry at her b/c her situation isn't very pretty. Her parents are angry and disappointed in her and honestly I can't say that I blame them.
But why am I'm still there?? Good question! I prayed before the first visitation b/c I didn't even know if she wanted to see me. God spoke to me and gave me the best vision of why I was suppose to be there and why I didn't have the anger everyone else had. He said "Becauase I Love Her Too!"
So I have done what I know is right in my heart! I have visited her every Saturday morning. Only one of her parents have been there and no one else. I'm so glad I AM able to be there for her. It breaks my heart seeing her in there, but she knows and I know it's what she needed and hopefully it will help more than hurt.
I've never really felt what I've felt for her, the way I do lately. I tear up and try my best to stay strong through it all. I've listened to different sermons to encourage me. I've had some pray for me and my journey through this. And I've even gotten some insight on what she needs from me while in there from someone else who is dear to me that current resides in jail.
I had a break down the other night. I feel emotionally, physically, and spiritually tired. I am keeping my head high and my heart focused. Through all of this, I have began to pay attention to friends who mean so much to me, as well as paying attention to those around you. I've learned to start showing more appreciation to people. I thank all who read and care about me. Please pray for strength and for God to shine through me as I travel this road. Thank you and I love you all!
Brownies (Girl Scouts)
7 years ago